The Road to Destiny

I am a recovering alcoholic and regularly attend AA meetings. Meetings often start with a speaker, either from the local group or visiting from somewhere nearby, telling his or her story. The speaker usually starts off telling about the early years of their drinking. After the preliminaries, which are often surprisingly alike, the speaker tells of their bottom. The bottom is the sequence of events or the state of mind that made the individual eventually seek help. This part of the story is often very different from speaker to speaker. For some, the bottom may be that the spouse leaves the room and the dog snarls. For others, a loss of spouse, a loss off home, a loss of driver’s license, or a loss of job (notice the common word in all these) is their bottom. Still others, may have found their way to the road of recovery through the courts and penal system; either to avoid jail or to pass the time while in jail. Whatever the case, the bottom has to be reached before an alcoholic surrenders to the disease.

I listen to these stories of individuals who no longer drink (some of them for decades). They are living productive and happy lives. But I think about some of the bottoms. The jail time, the accidents and injuries, the broken families, the broken spirits and I realize how lucky I was that my bottom was not that low. I was a weekend warrior whose drinking was getting progressively worse and had the potential to have serious health effects if I kept it up. The American Medical Association defines alcoholism as chronic, progressive, and fatal. Many of us, myself included, drank somewhat successfully for years until the progressive nature of the disease kicked in. At the end of my drinking, I had a few episodes where I blacked out and could not remember all that I did and said. Someone would mention something that would trigger a memory and I would remember something I wished I did not. Despite this, I had never had a DUI, been arrested, lost a job, lost a spouse, did something that my son will remember as something unforgivable. Why was I spared this?

One of my favorite books was John Irving’s A PRAYER FOR OWEN MEANEY. Some of you may have seen the movie adaptation SIMON BIRCH. In the book, the main character has a destiny, a pre-determined fate. The entire book is builds up to the end when the character’s destiny is fulfilled. I often think of this story when I try to understand why I was spared a bottom lower than the one I had. Was I spared the misery that so many others experienced because I have a destiny to fulfill in my near future? Does my son perhaps have a destiny to fulfill that I need to help him reach? Only time will tell.

There is a saying used in the AA rooms: “But for the Grace of God, there goes I.” I am truly grateful that I had the opportunity to turn my life around with much less destruction than some of my friends. I do not regret my past as is part of me. I am on the road to my own destiny.